Searching for film quotes from Wes Anderson's films- for potential finer details in printed media, museum exhibit displays etc- all quotes are direct from Wes' exisiting films, both short and feature length.
Sourced from IMDB (for me, always a reliable source)
BOTTLE ROCKET (1994)
* NO QUOTES FOUND*
BOTTLE ROCKET (1996)
Dignan: [points to Bob] He's out.
[points to Anthony]
Dignan : And you're out, too. And I dont think I'm in, either. No gang!
[points to Anthony]
Dignan : And you're out, too. And I dont think I'm in, either. No gang!
Dignan: We'll get him. We'll get him. Man, dont worry about that, we'll get him. And when we do, we'll blow up his car, do something. I can guarantee you that. What makes me furious is thinking about the look on Bob's fat face, thinking he pulled one over on us. I tell you another thing. If our paths cross again, you're gonna see a side of Dignan that you havent seen before. A sick, sadistic side, cause I'm furious at Bob.
Dignan: Bob Mapplethorpe, potential get-away driver: go!
Bob : Well, I think there's a real air of mystery about me.
Dignan : Don't complicate it. Your number one strength is you have a car you can provide. Sell yourself! Start over. Ready, go!
Bob : Okay, alright. I'm a risk taker! I'm growin' an entire crop of marijuana plants in my parents back yard! I think that shows...
Dignan : Wait, you're growing an entire crop of marijuana in your back yard?
Bob : Dignan, look. I'm just not very good at this selling-yourself stuff, okay? So, I'm just gonna tell you the truth. I really wanna be a part of this team. And I'm the only one with a car.
Dignan : That's good. That's good. 'Cause that hits me right here.
Bob : Well, I think there's a real air of mystery about me.
Dignan : Don't complicate it. Your number one strength is you have a car you can provide. Sell yourself! Start over. Ready, go!
Bob : Okay, alright. I'm a risk taker! I'm growin' an entire crop of marijuana plants in my parents back yard! I think that shows...
Dignan : Wait, you're growing an entire crop of marijuana in your back yard?
Bob : Dignan, look. I'm just not very good at this selling-yourself stuff, okay? So, I'm just gonna tell you the truth. I really wanna be a part of this team. And I'm the only one with a car.
Dignan : That's good. That's good. 'Cause that hits me right here.
Bob: Anthony, I need to talk to you, man... Anthony, I have got to talk to you! Look, I am sorry about this, this seems like a nice soiree, but I have got a family situation. I don't care what you think. I dont care! Tengo una situación con mi familia! Dignan does not want to deal with it, could you please come outside for a minute?
Anthony: You told, you told your friend Bernice I'm some kind of jet pilot?
Grace : What was I supposed to say, they stuck you in an insane asylum?
Anthony : It wasn't an insane asylum, Grace. I explained to you back then that it was for exhaustion.
Grace : Exhaustion?
Anthony : Yes, exhaustion.
Grace : You haven't worked a day in your life. How could you be exhausted?
Grace : What was I supposed to say, they stuck you in an insane asylum?
Anthony : It wasn't an insane asylum, Grace. I explained to you back then that it was for exhaustion.
Grace : Exhaustion?
Anthony : Yes, exhaustion.
Grace : You haven't worked a day in your life. How could you be exhausted?
Abe Henry: The world needs dreamers.
Future Man : Excuse me?
Abe Henry : I don' think so. You know one day your going to wake up and realize that you no longer have a brother. And you no longer have any friends. And on that day, I'm gonna be front and center laughing my fucking ass off.
Abe Henry : [laughs] John!
[continues laughing]
Abe Henry : John!
Future Man : Excuse me?
Abe Henry : I don' think so. You know one day your going to wake up and realize that you no longer have a brother. And you no longer have any friends. And on that day, I'm gonna be front and center laughing my fucking ass off.
Abe Henry : [laughs] John!
[continues laughing]
Abe Henry : John!
Bob: I think I know what you've been going through, man, cos I've been through some heavy shit myself. If you feel alone, like nobody in the world cares and nobody in the fucking world gives a shit, then I'm here...
Anthony : ...That was a stop sign man...
Bob : I'm ready to listen, man. If you want, I'll even open up first. I mean, my brother, that's a shit situation y'know, I mean he beats the crap outta me all the time.
Anthony : ...That was a stop sign man...
Bob : I'm ready to listen, man. If you want, I'll even open up first. I mean, my brother, that's a shit situation y'know, I mean he beats the crap outta me all the time.
Anthony: [stops playing pinball] You took the earrings, Dignan? You took em.
[leaves the drug store]
Anthony : Well, you know, it's my fault. It's like, ultimately, Anthony, when are you gonna learn?
Dignan : Man, you got another ball. Should I play your game?
Anthony : [outside] The list, Dignan. I know you remember the list cause you signed it. You signed the things Dignan's not supposed to touch.
Dignan : The thing is I can't be sorting through all that shit in the middle of a burglary.
Anthony : Hey, hey, I don't care, okay? I bought the earrings for my mother on her birthday. I went down, I picked em out myself.
Dignan : Hey, one thing is, every valuable item in the house was on that list.
Anthony : Hey, maybe, we should've robbed your house. Did you ever think of that? No, I bet that never crossed your mind.
RUSHMORE (1998)
Rosemary Cross: Has it ever crossed your mind that you're far too young for me?
Max Fischer : It crossed my mind that you might consider that a possibility, yeah.
Max Fischer : It crossed my mind that you might consider that a possibility, yeah.
Rosemary Cross: Do you think we're going to have sex?
Max Fischer : That's a kinda cheap way to put it.
Rosemary Cross : Not if you've ever fucked before, it isn't.
Max Fischer : That's a kinda cheap way to put it.
Rosemary Cross : Not if you've ever fucked before, it isn't.
Herman Blume: You guys have it real easy. I never had it like this where I grew up. But I send my kids here because the fact is you go to one of the best schools in the country: Rushmore. Now, for some of you it doesn't matter. You were born rich and you're going to stay rich. But here's my advice to the rest of you: Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember, they can buy anything but they can't buy backbone. Don't let them forget it. Thank you.
Max Fischer: My top schools where I want to apply to are Oxford and the Sorbonne. My safety's Harvard.
Max Fischer: I like your nurse's uniform, guy.
Dr. Peter Flynn : These are O.R. scrubs.
Max Fischer : O, R they?
Dr. Peter Flynn : These are O.R. scrubs.
Max Fischer : O, R they?
Max Fischer: Maybe I'm spending too much of my time starting up clubs and putting on plays. I should probably be trying harder to score chicks.
Herman Blume: What's the secret, Max?
Max Fischer : The secret?
Herman Blume : Yeah, you seem to have it pretty figured out.
Max Fischer : The secret, I don't know... I guess you've just gotta find something you love to do and then... do it for the rest of your life. For me, it's going to Rushmore.
Max Fischer : The secret?
Herman Blume : Yeah, you seem to have it pretty figured out.
Max Fischer : The secret, I don't know... I guess you've just gotta find something you love to do and then... do it for the rest of your life. For me, it's going to Rushmore.
Dirk Calloway: I know about you and the teacher.
Max Fischer: What do you call getting a handjob from Mrs. Calloway in the back of her Jaguar?
Magnus Buchan : A fucking lie.
Max Fischer : You think I got kicked out because of just the aquarium? Nah, it was the handjob. And you know what else? It was worth it.
Magnus Buchan : A fucking lie.
Max Fischer : You think I got kicked out because of just the aquarium? Nah, it was the handjob. And you know what else? It was worth it.
Max Fischer: So you were in Vietnam?
Herman Blume : Yeah.
Max Fischer : Were you in the shit?
Herman Blume : Yeah, I was in the shit.
Herman Blume : Yeah.
Max Fischer : Were you in the shit?
Herman Blume : Yeah, I was in the shit.
Max Fischer: The truth is, neither one of us has the slightest idea where this relationship is going. We can't predict the future.
Rosemary Cross : We don't have a relationship.
Max Fischer : But we're friends.
Rosemary Cross : Yes, and that's all we're *going* to be. Well, yes...
Max Fischer : That's all I meant by "relationship." You want me to grab a dictionary?
Rosemary Cross : We don't have a relationship.
Max Fischer : But we're friends.
Rosemary Cross : Yes, and that's all we're *going* to be. Well, yes...
Max Fischer : That's all I meant by "relationship." You want me to grab a dictionary?
Dirk Calloway: There's action across the street.
[static]
Dirk Calloway : It's Snowman! Take him!
[static]
Dirk Calloway : It's Snowman! Take him!
Herman Blume: She's my Rushmore.
Max Fischer : I know. She was mine too.
Max Fischer : I know. She was mine too.
Max Fischer: I saved Latin. What did you ever do?
Ernie: What kind of fish?
Max Fischer : Barracuda, stingrays, electric eels, trout, hammerheads, piranha, giant squid, octopi...
Herman Blume : Piranhas? Really?
Max Fischer : Yes, I'm talking to a guy in South America.
Max Fischer : Barracuda, stingrays, electric eels, trout, hammerheads, piranha, giant squid, octopi...
Herman Blume : Piranhas? Really?
Max Fischer : Yes, I'm talking to a guy in South America.
Max Fischer: How much are you worth, by the way?
Herman Blume : I don't know.
Max Fischer : Over ten million?
Herman Blume : Yeah, I guess so.
Max Fischer : Good, good.
Herman Blume : Why?
Max Fischer : Cause we're gonna need all of it.
Herman Blume : I don't know.
Max Fischer : Over ten million?
Herman Blume : Yeah, I guess so.
Max Fischer : Good, good.
Herman Blume : Why?
Max Fischer : Cause we're gonna need all of it.
[Introducing his play "Heaven and Hell"]
Max Fischer : Also, you'll find a pair of safety glasses and some earplugs under your seats. Please feel free to use them.
Max Fischer : Also, you'll find a pair of safety glasses and some earplugs under your seats. Please feel free to use them.
Magnus Buchan: I always wanted to be in one of your fuckin' plays.
[Max has just petitioned to make Latin a required subject]
Magnus Buchan : [heavy Scottish brogue] Why dincha just piss off, Fischer? Ya dotty wee skid mark!
Max Fischer : Is that Latin?
Magnus Buchan : [heavy Scottish brogue] Why dincha just piss off, Fischer? Ya dotty wee skid mark!
Max Fischer : Is that Latin?
Architect: Mr. Blume, how are Ronny and Donny enjoying military school?
Herman Blume : They love it.
Magnus Buchan : Lucky bastards.
Herman Blume : They love it.
Magnus Buchan : Lucky bastards.
Dr. Peter Flynn: I understand you're a neurosurgeon.
Bert Fischer : No, I'm a barber, but a lot of people make that mistake.
Bert Fischer : No, I'm a barber, but a lot of people make that mistake.
Herman Blume: Never in my wildest imagination did I ever dream I would have sons like these.
Max Fischer: [to Rosemary] We both have dead people in our families.
Bert Fischer: [to Herman] Are you fond of that moustache?
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: We're putting you on what we call sudden death academic probation.
Max Fischer : And what does that entail?
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim : It entails that if you fail another class, you'll be asked to leave Rushmore.
Max Fischer : In other words, I'll be expelled.
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim : That's correct.
Max Fischer : Can I see some documentation on that, please?
[Guggenheim hands him his transcript]
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim : Too many extracurricular activities, Max. Not enough studying
Max Fischer : Dr. Guggenheim, I don't want to tell you how to do your job. But the fact is, no matter how hard I try, I still might flunk another class. If that means I have to stay on for a post-graduate year, so be it...
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim : - We don't offer a post-graduate year.
Max Fischer : Well, we don't offer it yet.
Max Fischer : And what does that entail?
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim : It entails that if you fail another class, you'll be asked to leave Rushmore.
Max Fischer : In other words, I'll be expelled.
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim : That's correct.
Max Fischer : Can I see some documentation on that, please?
[Guggenheim hands him his transcript]
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim : Too many extracurricular activities, Max. Not enough studying
Max Fischer : Dr. Guggenheim, I don't want to tell you how to do your job. But the fact is, no matter how hard I try, I still might flunk another class. If that means I have to stay on for a post-graduate year, so be it...
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim : - We don't offer a post-graduate year.
Max Fischer : Well, we don't offer it yet.
[in a letter to Max]
Dirk Calloway : Dear Max, I am sorry to say that I have secretly found out that Mr. Blume is having an affair with Miss Cross. My first suspicions came when I saw them Frenching in front of our house. And then I knew for sure when they went skinny dipping in Mr. Blume's swimming pool, giving each other handjobs while you were taking a nap on the front porch.
Dirk Calloway : Dear Max, I am sorry to say that I have secretly found out that Mr. Blume is having an affair with Miss Cross. My first suspicions came when I saw them Frenching in front of our house. And then I knew for sure when they went skinny dipping in Mr. Blume's swimming pool, giving each other handjobs while you were taking a nap on the front porch.
Herman Blume: What does Guggenheim say?
Max Fischer : Nothing. I felt I should go to you first.
Herman Blume : Why?
Max Fischer : Because at this moment I feel our best strategy is to keep a low profile. The more preparation I can do, the stronger our case will be when we go to the administration.
Herman Blume : How much do you want?
Max Fischer : $35.000 for the initial plans.
Herman Blume : I'll give you $2500.
Max Fischer : Nothing. I felt I should go to you first.
Herman Blume : Why?
Max Fischer : Because at this moment I feel our best strategy is to keep a low profile. The more preparation I can do, the stronger our case will be when we go to the administration.
Herman Blume : How much do you want?
Max Fischer : $35.000 for the initial plans.
Herman Blume : I'll give you $2500.
[first lines]
Student : If, and only if, both sides of the numerator is divisible by the inverse of he square root of the two unassigned variable.
School Professor : Good. Except when the value of the "X" coordinate is equal to or less than the value of one. Yes Isaac?
Student : What about *that* problem?
School Professor : Oh, that? Don't worry about that.
Student : Wait. Why?
School Professor : I just put that up as a joke. That's probably the hardest geometry equation in the world.
Student : Well, how much extra credit is it worth?
School Professor : Well, considering I've never seen anyone get it right, including my mentor Dr. Leaky at MIT, I guess if anyone here can solve that problem, I'd see to it that none of you ever have to open another math book again for the rest of your lives.
Student : If, and only if, both sides of the numerator is divisible by the inverse of he square root of the two unassigned variable.
School Professor : Good. Except when the value of the "X" coordinate is equal to or less than the value of one. Yes Isaac?
Student : What about *that* problem?
School Professor : Oh, that? Don't worry about that.
Student : Wait. Why?
School Professor : I just put that up as a joke. That's probably the hardest geometry equation in the world.
Student : Well, how much extra credit is it worth?
School Professor : Well, considering I've never seen anyone get it right, including my mentor Dr. Leaky at MIT, I guess if anyone here can solve that problem, I'd see to it that none of you ever have to open another math book again for the rest of your lives.
Bert Fischer: [in clapping audience] That's my son. That's my Maxie.
Herman Blume: [on Max's offering a small box] What's this?
[Herman opens it and looks]
Max Fischer: That's the Perfect Attendance Award and the Punctuality Award. I got those at Rushmore. I thought you could choose which one you like more, and you could wear one and I could wear the other.
Herman Blume: [after gravely considering both the proffered olive branch and the choice] I'll take Punctuality.
Max Fischer: [smiles] Okay.
THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS (2001)
Eli:
I always wanted to be a Tenenbaum.
Royal : Me too, me too.
Royal : Me too, me too.
Ethel:
How long have you been a smoker?
Margot : 22 years.
Ethel : Well I think you should quit.
Margot : 22 years.
Ethel : Well I think you should quit.
Royal:
Everyone's against me.
Pagoda : It's your fault, man.
Royal : I know but dammit, I want this family to love me. How much money you got?
Pagoda : I don't have.
Royal : What? You're broke? You gotta be kidding me! How are we gonna pay for this room?
[Pagoda shrugs]
Royal : All right, I'll think of something... Ow.
Pagoda : It's your fault, man.
Royal : I know but dammit, I want this family to love me. How much money you got?
Pagoda : I don't have.
Royal : What? You're broke? You gotta be kidding me! How are we gonna pay for this room?
[Pagoda shrugs]
Royal : All right, I'll think of something... Ow.
Eli:
I wish you'd've done this for me when I was a kid.
Richie : But you didn't have a drug problem then.
Eli : Yeah, but it still would've meant a lot to me.
Richie : But you didn't have a drug problem then.
Eli : Yeah, but it still would've meant a lot to me.
Royal:
I got a pretty bad case of cancer.
Chas : [yawns] How long you gonna last?
Royal : Not long.
Chas : A month? A year?
Royal : About six weeks. Let me get to the point, the three of you and your mother are all I've got and I love you more than anything.
[Chas scoffs and mock laughs]
Royal : Chas, let me finish here. I've got six weeks to set things right with you and I aim to do it. Will you give me a chance?
Chas : No?
Royal : Do you speak for everyone?
Chas : I speak for myself.
Chas : [yawns] How long you gonna last?
Royal : Not long.
Chas : A month? A year?
Royal : About six weeks. Let me get to the point, the three of you and your mother are all I've got and I love you more than anything.
[Chas scoffs and mock laughs]
Royal : Chas, let me finish here. I've got six weeks to set things right with you and I aim to do it. Will you give me a chance?
Chas : No?
Royal : Do you speak for everyone?
Chas : I speak for myself.
[about Margot's play]
Young Chas Tenenbaum : What'd you think, Dad?
Royal : Didn't seem believable to me.
[to Eli]
Royal : Why are you wearing pajamas? Do you live here?
Young Richie Tenenbaum : He has permission to sleep over.
Young Chas Tenenbaum : Well, did you at least think the characters were well developed?
Royal : What characters? There's a bunch of little kids dressed up in animal costumes.
Young Margot Tenenbaum : Good night, everyone.
Royal : Well, sweetie, don't get mad at me. That's just one man's opinion.
Young Chas Tenenbaum : What'd you think, Dad?
Royal : Didn't seem believable to me.
[to Eli]
Royal : Why are you wearing pajamas? Do you live here?
Young Richie Tenenbaum : He has permission to sleep over.
Young Chas Tenenbaum : Well, did you at least think the characters were well developed?
Royal : What characters? There's a bunch of little kids dressed up in animal costumes.
Young Margot Tenenbaum : Good night, everyone.
Royal : Well, sweetie, don't get mad at me. That's just one man's opinion.
Richie:
I think he's very lonely. Lonelier than he lets on. Maybe lonelier than he even realizes.
Ethel : Have you spoken to him about this?
Richie : Briefly. And he agreed that...
Chas : I'm sorry, maybe I'm a little confused here. What are you suggesting?
Richie : That he come here and stay in my room.
Chas : Are you out of your mind?
Richie : No. I'm not. Anyway I think he'd be much more comfortable here than at...
Chas : Who gives a shit?
Richie : I do.
Chas : You poor sucker. You poor, washed up papa's boy.
Ethel : Have you spoken to him about this?
Richie : Briefly. And he agreed that...
Chas : I'm sorry, maybe I'm a little confused here. What are you suggesting?
Richie : That he come here and stay in my room.
Chas : Are you out of your mind?
Richie : No. I'm not. Anyway I think he'd be much more comfortable here than at...
Chas : Who gives a shit?
Richie : I do.
Chas : You poor sucker. You poor, washed up papa's boy.
Chas:
Looks like you and Dad are back together again, huh.
Richie : He's your dad too, Chas.
Chas : No, he's not.
Richie : Yes, he is.
Chas : You really hate me, don't you?
Richie : No. I don't. I love you.
Chas : Well, I don't know what you think you're gonna get out of this, but believe me, whatever it is, it's not worth it.
Richie : Chas. I don't want to hurt you. I know what you and the boys have been through. You're my brother and I love you.
Chas : Stop saying that!
Richie : He's your dad too, Chas.
Chas : No, he's not.
Richie : Yes, he is.
Chas : You really hate me, don't you?
Richie : No. I don't. I love you.
Chas : Well, I don't know what you think you're gonna get out of this, but believe me, whatever it is, it's not worth it.
Richie : Chas. I don't want to hurt you. I know what you and the boys have been through. You're my brother and I love you.
Chas : Stop saying that!
[after seeing Eli on TV]
Royal : What the hell kind of way to act is that?
Richie : He's on drugs.
Royal : What the hell kind of way to act is that?
Richie : He's on drugs.
Royal:
Baby, I'm dying. I'm sick as a dog. I'll be dead in six weeks. I'm dying.
Ethel : What are you talking about? What happened? Oh, my God. I'm sorry. I didn't know. What'd they say? What's the prognosis?
Royal : Take it easy, Ethel. Hold on. Hold on.
Ethel : Where's the doctor? Let's get...
Royal : Wait a second. Listen. I'm not dying. But I need some time. A month. Maybe two. I want us to...
Ethel : What's wrong with you?
Royal : Ethel.
Ethel : Are you crazy?
Royal : Baby. I am dying.
Ethel : Are you or aren't you?
Ethel : Dying? Yeah.
Ethel : What are you talking about? What happened? Oh, my God. I'm sorry. I didn't know. What'd they say? What's the prognosis?
Royal : Take it easy, Ethel. Hold on. Hold on.
Ethel : Where's the doctor? Let's get...
Royal : Wait a second. Listen. I'm not dying. But I need some time. A month. Maybe two. I want us to...
Ethel : What's wrong with you?
Royal : Ethel.
Ethel : Are you crazy?
Royal : Baby. I am dying.
Ethel : Are you or aren't you?
Ethel : Dying? Yeah.
Eli:
[reading part of his newest novel at a press conference]
The crickets and the rust-beetles scuttled among the nettles of the
sage thicket. "Vámonos, amigos," he whispered, and threw the busted
leather flintcraw over the loose weave of the saddlecock. And they rode
on in the friscalating dusklight.
Royal:
I'm very sorry for your loss. Your mother was a terribly attractive woman.
[Royal motions to Pagoda]
Royal : He saved my life, you know. Thirty years ago. I was knifed at a bazaar in Calcutta, and he carried me to the hospital on his back.
Ari : Who stabbed you?
[Royal motions to Pagoda again]
Royal : He did. There was a price on my head, and he was a hired assassin. Stuck me in the gut with a shiv.
Royal : He saved my life, you know. Thirty years ago. I was knifed at a bazaar in Calcutta, and he carried me to the hospital on his back.
Ari : Who stabbed you?
[Royal motions to Pagoda again]
Royal : He did. There was a price on my head, and he was a hired assassin. Stuck me in the gut with a shiv.
Royal:
I've always been considered an asshole for about as long as I can
remember. That's just my style. But I'd really feel blue if I didn't
think you were going to forgive me.
Henry Sherman : I don't think you're an asshole, Royal. I just think you're kind of a son of a bitch.
Royal : Well, I really appreciate that.
Henry Sherman : I don't think you're an asshole, Royal. I just think you're kind of a son of a bitch.
Royal : Well, I really appreciate that.
Royal:
Can I say something to you, Henry?
Henry Sherman : Okay.
Royal : I've always been considered an asshole for about as long as I can remember. Uh, that's just my style. But I'd really feel blue if I didn't think you were going to forgive me.
Henry Sherman : I don't think you're an asshole, Royal, I just think you're kind of a son of a bitch.
Royal : Well, I really appreciate that.
Henry Sherman : Okay.
Royal : I've always been considered an asshole for about as long as I can remember. Uh, that's just my style. But I'd really feel blue if I didn't think you were going to forgive me.
Henry Sherman : I don't think you're an asshole, Royal, I just think you're kind of a son of a bitch.
Royal : Well, I really appreciate that.
Royal:
[to Chas] Well... you sued me... twice. Got me disbarred. I don't hold it against you, do I?
[cut to Chas and Royal in court, sitting with their lawyers in front of the Judge]
Judge : And how is it possible for Mr. Tenenbaum to withdraw these funds without your written authorization?
Royal : Objection, Your Honor. Damn it, I...
Royal's Lawyer : Why don't you leave the objections to me, Royal?
Chas : Because I started the corporation when I was a minor. So, my father was the primary signatory on most of my accounts.
[Chas' lawyer whispers in his ear]
Chas : He also stole bonds out of my safety deposit box when I was fourteen.
[Royal looks at Chas, then back at the judge. He chuckles uncomfortably]
Royal : [back in present day, to Chas] You think you could start forgiving me?
[cut to Chas and Royal in court, sitting with their lawyers in front of the Judge]
Judge : And how is it possible for Mr. Tenenbaum to withdraw these funds without your written authorization?
Royal : Objection, Your Honor. Damn it, I...
Royal's Lawyer : Why don't you leave the objections to me, Royal?
Chas : Because I started the corporation when I was a minor. So, my father was the primary signatory on most of my accounts.
[Chas' lawyer whispers in his ear]
Chas : He also stole bonds out of my safety deposit box when I was fourteen.
[Royal looks at Chas, then back at the judge. He chuckles uncomfortably]
Royal : [back in present day, to Chas] You think you could start forgiving me?
[Chas Tenenbaum and his sons enter his mother's house with several bags]
Etheline Tenenbaum : Chas? What's going on?
Chas : We got locked out of our apartment.
Etheline Tenenbaum : Well, did you call a locksmith?
Chas : Uh huh.
Etheline Tenenbaum : Well, I don't understand. Did you pack your bags BEFORE you got locked out?
Etheline Tenenbaum : Chas? What's going on?
Chas : We got locked out of our apartment.
Etheline Tenenbaum : Well, did you call a locksmith?
Chas : Uh huh.
Etheline Tenenbaum : Well, I don't understand. Did you pack your bags BEFORE you got locked out?
Tennis Announcer 1:
That's 72 unforced errors for Richie Tenebaum. He's playing the worst tennis of his life. What's he feeling right now?
Tennis Announcer 2 : I don't know, Jim. There's obviously something wrong with him. He's taken off his shoes and one of his socks and... actually, I think he's crying.
Tennis Announcer 2 : I don't know, Jim. There's obviously something wrong with him. He's taken off his shoes and one of his socks and... actually, I think he's crying.
Peter Bradley:
[Eli is on drugs while being interviewed on television] Now, your previous novel...
Eli : Yes, "wildcat".
Peter Bradley : Not a success. Why?
Eli : Well... wildcat was written in a kind of obselete vernacular...
[long pause]
Eli : ... wildcat... wild... cat...
[he stares into space]
Eli : ... pow... wildcat... I'm going to go.
Eli : Yes, "wildcat".
Peter Bradley : Not a success. Why?
Eli : Well... wildcat was written in a kind of obselete vernacular...
[long pause]
Eli : ... wildcat... wild... cat...
[he stares into space]
Eli : ... pow... wildcat... I'm going to go.
[last lines]
[the family is gathered at the cemetery]
Narrator : Among the few possessions he left to his heirs was a set of Encyclopedia Britannica in storage at the Lindbergh Palace Hotel under the names Ari and Uzi Tenenbaum. No-one spoke at the funeral, and Father Petersen's leg had not yet mended, but it was agreed among them that Royal would have found the event to be most satisfactory.
[Chas nods to his sons]
Ari : Fire!
[Ari and Uzi fire their rifles into the air]
Ari : Fire!
[they fire again]
[the family is gathered at the cemetery]
Narrator : Among the few possessions he left to his heirs was a set of Encyclopedia Britannica in storage at the Lindbergh Palace Hotel under the names Ari and Uzi Tenenbaum. No-one spoke at the funeral, and Father Petersen's leg had not yet mended, but it was agreed among them that Royal would have found the event to be most satisfactory.
[Chas nods to his sons]
Ari : Fire!
[Ari and Uzi fire their rifles into the air]
Ari : Fire!
[they fire again]
Henry Sherman: I just wanted to apologize for the other day, when I proposed to you.
Ethel : Why? I thought it was very sweet.
THE LIFE AQUATIC WITH STEVE ZISSOU (2003)
Steve Zissou:
We'll split into two groups. I'll take Ned, Ogata, and Wolodarsky.
Klaus Daimler : [pouting] Thanks. Thanks a lot for not picking me.
Klaus Daimler : [pouting] Thanks. Thanks a lot for not picking me.
Ned Plimpton:
I'm gonna fight you, Steve.
[Steve hits Ned in the face]
Steve Zissou : You never say, "I'm gonna fight you, Steve." You just smile and act natural, and then you sucker-punch him.
Ned Plimpton : You fight your way, and I'll fight mine.
Steve Zissou : Oh, listen, Ned. Don't you try to...
[Ned hits Steve in the face]
Steve Zissou : I think your Team Zissou ring might've caught me on the lip.
[Steve hits Ned in the face]
Steve Zissou : You never say, "I'm gonna fight you, Steve." You just smile and act natural, and then you sucker-punch him.
Ned Plimpton : You fight your way, and I'll fight mine.
Steve Zissou : Oh, listen, Ned. Don't you try to...
[Ned hits Steve in the face]
Steve Zissou : I think your Team Zissou ring might've caught me on the lip.
[Steve bursts to the surface from an underwater dive, shouting hysterically]
Klaus Daimler : Steve!
Steve Zissou : Vikram, is that thing rolling?
Klaus Daimler : Where's Esteban?
[Written text of what Steve is shouting rolls onto the screen as he speaks]
Steve Zissou : Encounter with highly abnormal shark-like fish! Ten meters in length! Irregular markings! I tagged it dorsally with a homing dart!
[shouts]
Steve Zissou : Esteban was eaten!
Klaus Daimler : Is he dead?
Steve Zissou : Esteban was eaten! Check the scanning monitor before it dives too deep!
Klaus Daimler : He was bitten?
Steve Zissou : Eaten!
Klaus Daimler : [shocked] He was swallowed whole?
Steve Zissou : No! *Chewed*!
Klaus Daimler : [to the camera] He's got hydrogen psychosis, the crazy-eye!
[camera zooms in on Steve's face - his eyes are dilated ridiculously large]
Klaus Daimler : Steve! They say you've got crazy-eye!
[to the camera]
Klaus Daimler : Get him out of the fucking water!
Steve Zissou : [shouting] Check the scanning monitor!
Klaus Daimler : Steve!
[Klaus jumps into the water to get Steve, still wearing all of his normal clothes and not bothering to take his shoes off]
Steve Zissou : [shouting] Esteban! Esteban! Esteban!
Klaus Daimler : Steve!
Steve Zissou : Vikram, is that thing rolling?
Klaus Daimler : Where's Esteban?
[Written text of what Steve is shouting rolls onto the screen as he speaks]
Steve Zissou : Encounter with highly abnormal shark-like fish! Ten meters in length! Irregular markings! I tagged it dorsally with a homing dart!
[shouts]
Steve Zissou : Esteban was eaten!
Klaus Daimler : Is he dead?
Steve Zissou : Esteban was eaten! Check the scanning monitor before it dives too deep!
Klaus Daimler : He was bitten?
Steve Zissou : Eaten!
Klaus Daimler : [shocked] He was swallowed whole?
Steve Zissou : No! *Chewed*!
Klaus Daimler : [to the camera] He's got hydrogen psychosis, the crazy-eye!
[camera zooms in on Steve's face - his eyes are dilated ridiculously large]
Klaus Daimler : Steve! They say you've got crazy-eye!
[to the camera]
Klaus Daimler : Get him out of the fucking water!
Steve Zissou : [shouting] Check the scanning monitor!
Klaus Daimler : Steve!
[Klaus jumps into the water to get Steve, still wearing all of his normal clothes and not bothering to take his shoes off]
Steve Zissou : [shouting] Esteban! Esteban! Esteban!
[Hennessey is playing poker with Filipinos who have kidnapped him and Zissou bursts into the room accidentally]
Alistair Hennessey : Steven, are you rescuing me?
[pause]
Alistair Hennessey : Fold.
[a pirate quickly shoots Hennessey in the chest, knocking him backwards in his chair and down to the floor - large gunfight begins]
Alistair Hennessey : Steven, are you rescuing me?
[pause]
Alistair Hennessey : Fold.
[a pirate quickly shoots Hennessey in the chest, knocking him backwards in his chair and down to the floor - large gunfight begins]
Oseary Drakoulias:
The wire transfer came straight through from Kentucky, and the bank has
agreed to gap-finance the rest. But there are a few hooks on it, so take
a pew for a spell. Number One, the bank want a drug screen for
everybody on the boat, before they'll forward the money.
Steve Zissou : A piss test?
Oseary Drakoulias : Yes, a piss test. Two, a stooge from the bond company will be riding along during the whole shoot, to keep you on budget.
Steve Zissou : Who's the stooge?
Oseary Drakoulias : A chap by the name of Bill Ubell, and there's not a damn thing you can do about that, Steve. Three, you must swear - legally swear - that you will not kill that shark, or whatever it is, if it actually exists.
Steve Zissou : I'm going to fight it, but I'll let it live. What about my dynamite?
Oseary Drakoulias : [to assistant] Phillip, dynamite.
Steve Zissou : A piss test?
Oseary Drakoulias : Yes, a piss test. Two, a stooge from the bond company will be riding along during the whole shoot, to keep you on budget.
Steve Zissou : Who's the stooge?
Oseary Drakoulias : A chap by the name of Bill Ubell, and there's not a damn thing you can do about that, Steve. Three, you must swear - legally swear - that you will not kill that shark, or whatever it is, if it actually exists.
Steve Zissou : I'm going to fight it, but I'll let it live. What about my dynamite?
Oseary Drakoulias : [to assistant] Phillip, dynamite.
[during the rescue op, Steve sees a young Filipino boy sitting on the beach, roasting a crab on a spit. He raises his spear gun]
Bill Ubell : No, Captain! That's Cedric. He's a friend.
Steve Zissou : Merci, Cedric. Remind me, we'll send him a red cap and a Speedo.
Bill Ubell : No, Captain! That's Cedric. He's a friend.
Steve Zissou : Merci, Cedric. Remind me, we'll send him a red cap and a Speedo.
Steve Zissou:
Wolodarsky, go get the keys to that fishing boat, and throw them in the
water. No, wait. They might have another set. Just blow it up.
Steve Zissou:
Son of a bitch, I'm sick of these dolphins.
Alistair Hennessey:
[about the pirates' three-legged dog, who is whining] Uh, what's your dog's name?
Steve Zissou : [thinks a moment] Cody.
[Alistair rolls up a newspaper, and hits the dog with it]
Alistair Hennessey : Be still, Cody.
Steve Zissou : [thinks a moment] Cody.
[Alistair rolls up a newspaper, and hits the dog with it]
Alistair Hennessey : Be still, Cody.
Anne-Marie Sakowitz:
Do you know that you just charted us on a course through unprotected waters?
Steve Zissou : Yeah, we're taking the shortcut.
Anne-Marie Sakowitz : But it's outside I.M.U. jurisdiction. There isn't any protection.
Steve Zissou : I know, honey. Look at the map. We go your way, that's about four inches. We go my way, it's an inch and a half. You wanna pay for the extra gas?
Steve Zissou : Yeah, we're taking the shortcut.
Anne-Marie Sakowitz : But it's outside I.M.U. jurisdiction. There isn't any protection.
Steve Zissou : I know, honey. Look at the map. We go your way, that's about four inches. We go my way, it's an inch and a half. You wanna pay for the extra gas?
Steve Zissou:
Are you sure?
Klaus Daimler : Yes, I am.
Steve Zissou : I don't understand. Why?
Klaus Daimler : What do you mean?... Wait a second. What are we doing? You said cross the line if.
Steve Zissou : Cross the line if you're going to quit.
Klaus Daimler : Oh... Do it again. I misunderstood.
Klaus Daimler : Yes, I am.
Steve Zissou : I don't understand. Why?
Klaus Daimler : What do you mean?... Wait a second. What are we doing? You said cross the line if.
Steve Zissou : Cross the line if you're going to quit.
Klaus Daimler : Oh... Do it again. I misunderstood.
Eleanor Zissou:
Oh, Shit. What do you want?
Steve Zissou : Do you mind if I butter you up a little before I answer that question?
Eleanor Zissou : Yes, I do. Tell me now.
Steve Zissou : [takes a deep breath] I need some money to get the boat out of hock and rescue my bond company stooge who got kidnapped. Could we ask your parents to loan it to me?
Eleanor Zissou : No.
Steve Zissou : Okay. Could I go ahead and butter you up anyway? It took me two and a half hours to get out here.
Steve Zissou : Do you mind if I butter you up a little before I answer that question?
Eleanor Zissou : Yes, I do. Tell me now.
Steve Zissou : [takes a deep breath] I need some money to get the boat out of hock and rescue my bond company stooge who got kidnapped. Could we ask your parents to loan it to me?
Eleanor Zissou : No.
Steve Zissou : Okay. Could I go ahead and butter you up anyway? It took me two and a half hours to get out here.
Steve Zissou:
We're in the middle of a lightning strike rescue op, Klaus. What's the deal?
Klaus Daimler : I'm sick of being on "B" squad.
Steve Zissou : You might be on "B" Squad, But you're the "B" Squad leader. Don't you know me and Esteban always thought of you as our baby brother?
Klaus Daimler : I've always thought of you two as my dads. Please don't let any one make fun of me for saying so.
Steve Zissou : I can't guarantee that, Klausie, but I'll try. Can we get on with the maneuvers now?
Klaus Daimler : I'm sick of being on "B" squad.
Steve Zissou : You might be on "B" Squad, But you're the "B" Squad leader. Don't you know me and Esteban always thought of you as our baby brother?
Klaus Daimler : I've always thought of you two as my dads. Please don't let any one make fun of me for saying so.
Steve Zissou : I can't guarantee that, Klausie, but I'll try. Can we get on with the maneuvers now?
Steve Zissou:
I hope you're not gonna bust our chops on this on, Bill.
Bill Ubell : Why would I do that?
Steve Zissou : Because you're a bond company stooge.
Bill Ubell : [scoffs] I'm also a human being.
Steve Zissou : All right, I take that back. How about a little teamsmanship?
[he holds out his hand flat. Bill and Ned put theirs on top of his]
Steve Zissou, Bill Ubell, Ned Plimpton : Ho!
Bill Ubell : Why would I do that?
Steve Zissou : Because you're a bond company stooge.
Bill Ubell : [scoffs] I'm also a human being.
Steve Zissou : All right, I take that back. How about a little teamsmanship?
[he holds out his hand flat. Bill and Ned put theirs on top of his]
Steve Zissou, Bill Ubell, Ned Plimpton : Ho!
Alistair Hennessey:
Is this my espresso machine? Wh-what is-h-how did you get my espresso machine?
Bill Ubell : Well... uh... we fuckin' stole it, man.
Bill Ubell : Well... uh... we fuckin' stole it, man.
Jane Winslett-Richardson:
Are we - are we safe in here?
Steve Zissou : I doubt it.
Klaus Daimler : Do you still want to blow him up?
Steve Zissou : No, we're out of dynamite anyway.
Eleanor Zissou : It is beautiful Steve.
Steve Zissou : Yea, it's pretty good isn't it... I wonder if it remembers me...
Steve Zissou : I doubt it.
Klaus Daimler : Do you still want to blow him up?
Steve Zissou : No, we're out of dynamite anyway.
Eleanor Zissou : It is beautiful Steve.
Steve Zissou : Yea, it's pretty good isn't it... I wonder if it remembers me...
[Vikram is filming Steve next to a screen with the homing dart signal indicating the location of the Jaguar Shark]
Steve Zissou : Okay, action.
[points to the dot]
Steve Zissou : Well, look who's back in town. You've traveled over 150 miles since we last heard from you. This son of a bitch is heading for the South Pacific.
[Jane enters the room]
Steve Zissou : Turn on your tape recorder, cubbie.
Jane Winslett-Richardson : Is it the Jaguar Shark?
Steve Zissou : On the record, yes. Cut. Print both takes, Vikram.
Jane Winslett-Richardson : Was I... just in the film?
Steve Zissou : Yeah. You're gonna have to sign a release.
Steve Zissou : Okay, action.
[points to the dot]
Steve Zissou : Well, look who's back in town. You've traveled over 150 miles since we last heard from you. This son of a bitch is heading for the South Pacific.
[Jane enters the room]
Steve Zissou : Turn on your tape recorder, cubbie.
Jane Winslett-Richardson : Is it the Jaguar Shark?
Steve Zissou : On the record, yes. Cut. Print both takes, Vikram.
Jane Winslett-Richardson : Was I... just in the film?
Steve Zissou : Yeah. You're gonna have to sign a release.
Klaus Daimler:
So, you really think you're a Zissou.
Ned Plimpton : I don't know.
Klaus Daimler : Well, you traveled a long way for "I don't know," sonny.
Ned Plimpton : That's true. But it's important to me.
Klaus Daimler : Yeah? Well, there are a lot of things that are important to some people around here, sonny.
Ned Plimpton : Klaus, don't call me "sonny."
Klaus Daimler : And one more thing: It's the Steve Zissou show, not the Ned show.
[Klaus slaps Ned in the face]
Klaus Daimler : You hear me?
Ned Plimpton : Yes, I do.
[Klaus starts walking away]
Ned Plimpton : Klaus?
Klaus Daimler : Ja?
Ned Plimpton : If you ever touch me again, I will kick your goddamn teeth out. Is *that* understood?
Klaus Daimler : Not if I don't see you first, sonny.
Ned Plimpton : I don't know.
Klaus Daimler : Well, you traveled a long way for "I don't know," sonny.
Ned Plimpton : That's true. But it's important to me.
Klaus Daimler : Yeah? Well, there are a lot of things that are important to some people around here, sonny.
Ned Plimpton : Klaus, don't call me "sonny."
Klaus Daimler : And one more thing: It's the Steve Zissou show, not the Ned show.
[Klaus slaps Ned in the face]
Klaus Daimler : You hear me?
Ned Plimpton : Yes, I do.
[Klaus starts walking away]
Ned Plimpton : Klaus?
Klaus Daimler : Ja?
Ned Plimpton : If you ever touch me again, I will kick your goddamn teeth out. Is *that* understood?
Klaus Daimler : Not if I don't see you first, sonny.
Steve Zissou:
I wanted to give you a heads-up on what I thought of the piece...
Jane Winslett-Richardson : You read it. What did you think?
Steve Zissou : Well, I was a little upset at first. I mean, obviously people are going to think I'm a showboat, and a little bit of a prick. But then I thought... that's me. I said those things, I did those things. I can live with that. You're a good writer, Jane.
Jane Winslett-Richardson : It's the effing cover.
Steve Zissou : Thatta girl.
Jane Winslett-Richardson : You read it. What did you think?
Steve Zissou : Well, I was a little upset at first. I mean, obviously people are going to think I'm a showboat, and a little bit of a prick. But then I thought... that's me. I said those things, I did those things. I can live with that. You're a good writer, Jane.
Jane Winslett-Richardson : It's the effing cover.
Steve Zissou : Thatta girl.
Ned Plimpton:
Why didn't you ever try to contact me?
Steve Zissou : Because I hate fathers, and I never wanted to be one.
Steve Zissou : Because I hate fathers, and I never wanted to be one.
[Jane finds Steve in her room, reading her diary]
Jane Winslett-Richardson : I'm going to have to start locking my effing door.
Steve Zissou : It was locked, I kicked it in. Why don't you just curse like other people?
Jane Winslett-Richardson : Because I'm trying to get out of the habit before I have my fucking baby!
Jane Winslett-Richardson : I'm going to have to start locking my effing door.
Steve Zissou : It was locked, I kicked it in. Why don't you just curse like other people?
Jane Winslett-Richardson : Because I'm trying to get out of the habit before I have my fucking baby!
Alistair Hennessey:
You're the most ravishing creature that I've ever seen in my life.
Eleanor Zissou : Hello Skinny.
Alistair Hennessey : Hello Eleanor.
Eleanor Zissou : Is that a new merit badge?
Alistair Hennessey : Oh, yeah, as a matter of fact it is. I just became a Knight in Portugal, the Presidente gave a special ball...
Steve Zissou : Don't be nice to Ali, he's my nemesis.
Eleanor Zissou : Hello Skinny.
Alistair Hennessey : Hello Eleanor.
Eleanor Zissou : Is that a new merit badge?
Alistair Hennessey : Oh, yeah, as a matter of fact it is. I just became a Knight in Portugal, the Presidente gave a special ball...
Steve Zissou : Don't be nice to Ali, he's my nemesis.
Steve Zissou:
[after pirates have boarded his ship, being bound and blindfolded]
[starts chewing through the rope binding his hands together]
Steve Zissou : Here we go.
Klaus Daimler : Steve, what are you doing?
Steve Zissou : [stands up and turns toward the nearest pirate] I said get your ass the hell off of my boat!
[starts chewing through the rope binding his hands together]
Steve Zissou : Here we go.
Klaus Daimler : Steve, what are you doing?
Steve Zissou : [stands up and turns toward the nearest pirate] I said get your ass the hell off of my boat!
[on a speaker-phone]
Oseary Drakoulias : I spoke with Larry Amin, and it's a pass.
Steve Zissou : In other words, you fucked us!
Oseary Drakoulias : Let's not cast stones at one another, my dear.
[suddenly mad]
Oseary Drakoulias : Do you hear me, damn it? Do you?
Steve Zissou : No, I don't! I told you how to play it!
Oseary Drakoulias : Oh, bloody hell! You listen here, mate!
Ned Plimpton : Can I interrupt for a second?
Oseary Drakoulias : Who the blazes is that?
Ned Plimpton : It's me, Ned. Maybe this is nothing, maybe it's something. I don't know what your problems are, I don't know... but I just inherited $275,000. Would that amount make any difference?
[silence]
Oseary Drakoulias : What sort of expression is the lad wearing on his face?
Oseary Drakoulias : I spoke with Larry Amin, and it's a pass.
Steve Zissou : In other words, you fucked us!
Oseary Drakoulias : Let's not cast stones at one another, my dear.
[suddenly mad]
Oseary Drakoulias : Do you hear me, damn it? Do you?
Steve Zissou : No, I don't! I told you how to play it!
Oseary Drakoulias : Oh, bloody hell! You listen here, mate!
Ned Plimpton : Can I interrupt for a second?
Oseary Drakoulias : Who the blazes is that?
Ned Plimpton : It's me, Ned. Maybe this is nothing, maybe it's something. I don't know what your problems are, I don't know... but I just inherited $275,000. Would that amount make any difference?
[silence]
Oseary Drakoulias : What sort of expression is the lad wearing on his face?
[while robbing Alistair Hennessey's underwater sea-lab]
Vladimir Wolodarsky : Steve, one of the interns just fell down the stairs with the main tracking processor.
Steve Zissou : All right, just make sure we steal the backup.
Vladimir Wolodarsky : Steve, one of the interns just fell down the stairs with the main tracking processor.
Steve Zissou : All right, just make sure we steal the backup.
[On the phone, Oseary tells Steve that he has to flee the country]
Steve Zissou : Wait a second. They ripped off my film, my boat's broken, you're ditching me down the river... what am I supposed to do?
Oseary Drakoulias : Well, I must say, nothing's leaping to mind. Phillip, any ideas?
[pause]
Oseary Drakoulias : No, he's shaking his head.
Steve Zissou : Wait a second. They ripped off my film, my boat's broken, you're ditching me down the river... what am I supposed to do?
Oseary Drakoulias : Well, I must say, nothing's leaping to mind. Phillip, any ideas?
[pause]
Oseary Drakoulias : No, he's shaking his head.
Steve Zissou:
I don't have a problem with objective reporting. What I have a problem
with is some wombat... coming on my boat trying to railroad me.
Steve Zissou:
It's a documentary! It's all really happening!
Steve Zissou:
[Pulls Ned Plimpton aside to speak with him in private] Ned, next time you have a brilliant idea, whisper it to me first. Otherwise I look sort of like a Day-Dream-Johnny, you know.
Eleanor Zissou:
Your cat's dead.
Steve Zissou : What? Which one?
Eleanor Zissou : Marmalade. I'm sorry.
[lighting cigarette]
Steve Zissou : What happened?
Eleanor Zissou : A rattlesnake bit it in the throat.
Steve Zissou : [pause] Goddammit, Elanor, why do have to say it like that? You couldn't try to break it a little bit nicer?
Steve Zissou : What? Which one?
Eleanor Zissou : Marmalade. I'm sorry.
[lighting cigarette]
Steve Zissou : What happened?
Eleanor Zissou : A rattlesnake bit it in the throat.
Steve Zissou : [pause] Goddammit, Elanor, why do have to say it like that? You couldn't try to break it a little bit nicer?
Steve Zissou:
If we don't handle this right, we're gonna all get murdered... including her unborn British child.
Alistair Hennessey:
Is that one of mine? I think one of my research turtles survived.
Steve Zissou:
You know I'm not good at apologizing, so I'll just skip it if it's all the same to you.
Steve Zissou:
Sorry about that. You caught me with one foot off the merry-go-round tonight.
Steve Zissou:
Would you like to join my crew?
Ned Plimpton : Would I like to...
Steve Zissou : I want you, on Team Zissou.
Ned Plimpton : I don't think I can do that.
Steve Zissou : Why not?
Ned Plimpton : Well, it's not my field, I don't have the background for it.
Steve Zissou : No one here does. Klaus used to be a bus driver, Wolodarsky was a high school substitute teacher. We're a pack of strays, don't you get it?
Ned Plimpton : Steve I'm not even that strong a swimmer,
[pause]
Ned Plimpton : the answer's yes.
Steve Zissou : Well it's got to be. I'll order you a red cap and a speedo.
[to Klaus]
Steve Zissou : Cut.
Ned Plimpton : Would I like to...
Steve Zissou : I want you, on Team Zissou.
Ned Plimpton : I don't think I can do that.
Steve Zissou : Why not?
Ned Plimpton : Well, it's not my field, I don't have the background for it.
Steve Zissou : No one here does. Klaus used to be a bus driver, Wolodarsky was a high school substitute teacher. We're a pack of strays, don't you get it?
Ned Plimpton : Steve I'm not even that strong a swimmer,
[pause]
Ned Plimpton : the answer's yes.
Steve Zissou : Well it's got to be. I'll order you a red cap and a speedo.
[to Klaus]
Steve Zissou : Cut.
Jane Winslett-Richardson:
May I turn this on?
Steve Zissou : [bites into an apple] Fire one.
Jane Winslett-Richardson : [Jane begins recording the interview] So what happened, in your opinion?
Steve Zissou : [swallows the bite] ... what're you talking about?
Jane Winslett-Richardson : Well, don't you think the public perception of your work has significantly altered in the last five years?
Steve Zissou : - That's your first question? I thought this was supposed to be a puff piece.
Jane Winslett-Richardson : ...should we come back to it?
Steve Zissou : ...yeah.
Jane Winslett-Richardson : Okay... Is it true that this is going to be your last voyage?
Steve Zissou : Wow... no comment. Who told you that? No, goddamnit, I'm... only 52. How-how 'bout we start out with some stock dialogue? Favorite color, blue? Favorite food, sardines?
Jane Winslett-Richardson : How do you feel about part one of your new film?
Steve Zissou : Why? How do you feel about part one of my new film?
Jane Winslett-Richardson : Well, I'm honest. You know, so...
Steve Zissou : - Just say it!
Jane Winslett-Richardson : I thought aspects of it seemed slightly fake.
Steve Zissou : [pauses, obviously enraged] ... Wolodarsky?...
Vladimir Wolodarsky : [getting up to leave, gathering the cat] ... I'll take five, Steve.
Steve Zissou : ...how 'bout taking five?
[the door closes]
Steve Zissou : ... did it seem fake... when my best friend was bitten in half right in front of me? And eaten alive, screaming? I think you're a fake. I think you're a phony. And a bad reporter. How does that feel? And tell me something -
[Steve pulls out a glock and points it at her, cocking it]
Steve Zissou : Does this seem fake?
[He replaces the glock]
Jane Winslett-Richardson : ...how dare you! This entire article was my idea, no one else gives a shit!
Steve Zissou : What about Sy Perlman?
Jane Winslett-Richardson : [scoffs, and turns off the recorder] Are you joking? He's not even covering my expenses!
Steve Zissou : [pauses for a moment, realizing] You're taking something out on me.
Jane Winslett-Richardson : [turns off the recorder again, turns away and cries]
Steve Zissou : Wh? Stop crying, what's the deal here? I was only trying to defend myself.
Jane Winslett-Richardson : Well, you did a great job! I'm sure you'll make a terrific father.
Steve Zissou : [bites into an apple] Fire one.
Jane Winslett-Richardson : [Jane begins recording the interview] So what happened, in your opinion?
Steve Zissou : [swallows the bite] ... what're you talking about?
Jane Winslett-Richardson : Well, don't you think the public perception of your work has significantly altered in the last five years?
Steve Zissou : - That's your first question? I thought this was supposed to be a puff piece.
Jane Winslett-Richardson : ...should we come back to it?
Steve Zissou : ...yeah.
Jane Winslett-Richardson : Okay... Is it true that this is going to be your last voyage?
Steve Zissou : Wow... no comment. Who told you that? No, goddamnit, I'm... only 52. How-how 'bout we start out with some stock dialogue? Favorite color, blue? Favorite food, sardines?
Jane Winslett-Richardson : How do you feel about part one of your new film?
Steve Zissou : Why? How do you feel about part one of my new film?
Jane Winslett-Richardson : Well, I'm honest. You know, so...
Steve Zissou : - Just say it!
Jane Winslett-Richardson : I thought aspects of it seemed slightly fake.
Steve Zissou : [pauses, obviously enraged] ... Wolodarsky?...
Vladimir Wolodarsky : [getting up to leave, gathering the cat] ... I'll take five, Steve.
Steve Zissou : ...how 'bout taking five?
[the door closes]
Steve Zissou : ... did it seem fake... when my best friend was bitten in half right in front of me? And eaten alive, screaming? I think you're a fake. I think you're a phony. And a bad reporter. How does that feel? And tell me something -
[Steve pulls out a glock and points it at her, cocking it]
Steve Zissou : Does this seem fake?
[He replaces the glock]
Jane Winslett-Richardson : ...how dare you! This entire article was my idea, no one else gives a shit!
Steve Zissou : What about Sy Perlman?
Jane Winslett-Richardson : [scoffs, and turns off the recorder] Are you joking? He's not even covering my expenses!
Steve Zissou : [pauses for a moment, realizing] You're taking something out on me.
Jane Winslett-Richardson : [turns off the recorder again, turns away and cries]
Steve Zissou : Wh? Stop crying, what's the deal here? I was only trying to defend myself.
Jane Winslett-Richardson : Well, you did a great job! I'm sure you'll make a terrific father.
Steve Zissou: You know I'm not big on apologizing. So I'll just skip it if it's all the same to you.
Eleanor Zissou: Okay.
Steve Zissou: Anyway, I'm sorry.
HOTEL CHEVALIER (2007)
Jack:
[answers ringing phone] Hello?
Ex-girlfriend : Hi. I'm on my way from the airport, and the front desk won't give me your room number.
[long pause]
Ex-girlfriend : What's your room number?
Jack : 403.
Ex-girlfriend : See you in half an hour.
Jack : Wait a second.
Ex-girlfriend : What?
Jack : Where are you?
Ex-girlfriend : I'm here.
Jack : I didn't say you could come here.
Ex-girlfriend : Can I come there?
Jack : OK.
Ex-girlfriend : I'll see you in half an hour.
Ex-girlfriend : Hi. I'm on my way from the airport, and the front desk won't give me your room number.
[long pause]
Ex-girlfriend : What's your room number?
Jack : 403.
Ex-girlfriend : See you in half an hour.
Jack : Wait a second.
Ex-girlfriend : What?
Jack : Where are you?
Ex-girlfriend : I'm here.
Jack : I didn't say you could come here.
Ex-girlfriend : Can I come there?
Jack : OK.
Ex-girlfriend : I'll see you in half an hour.
Jack: You wanna see my view of Paris?
THE DARJEELING LIMITED (2007)
Jack:
I think he's still in mourning.
Francis : Well I probably still am too.
Francis : Well I probably still am too.
Francis:
I only remember certain details, but from what I've been able to
reconstruct, it was raining, I was going about 50 miles an hour as I
went into a corner, did some wrong steering, wheels went out from me,
and suddenly, "Whoo", skidded off the road, slammed into a ditch and got
catapulted 50 feet through the air. Little particles of glass and
debris were stinging my face as I flew. And for a second, there was just
total silence. Just... Then BAM! The bike crashed to the ground,
exploded and caught on fire, and then I smashed into the side of a hill
with my face. I was driving home. I live alone right now. Anyway, two
joggers ran up and started digging out all the dirt that was jammed
inside my mouth and my nose and my ears. My brain had stopped, and my
heart had stopped, so technically I was dead at this point. They did all
the procedures exactly right, as a result of which I'm still alive.
Jack : Boy.
Peter : Wow.
Francis : The first thing I thought of when I woke up was, I wish Peter and Jack were here.
Jack : Boy.
Peter : Wow.
Francis : The first thing I thought of when I woke up was, I wish Peter and Jack were here.
Jack:
Which direction did your's go?
Francis : What do you mean?
Jack : Your feathers... mine blew toward the mountains
Francis : That's not right. It's not suppose to get blown away. You're suppose to blow on it then bury it.
Peter : I didn't get that. I still have mine.
Francis : You guys didn't do it right. I asked if you read the instructions. You did it wrong... I tried my hardest. I don't know what to do.
Peter : I don't think Dad would've hated it.
Francis : What do you mean?
Jack : Your feathers... mine blew toward the mountains
Francis : That's not right. It's not suppose to get blown away. You're suppose to blow on it then bury it.
Peter : I didn't get that. I still have mine.
Francis : You guys didn't do it right. I asked if you read the instructions. You did it wrong... I tried my hardest. I don't know what to do.
Peter : I don't think Dad would've hated it.
Francis:
You're the two most important people in the world to me. I've never said
that before, but it's true, and I want you both to know it. I love you,
Peter
Peter : Thank you.
Francis : I love you, Jack.
Jack : I love you, too.
Francis : How did it get to this? Why haven't we spoken in a year? Let's make an agreement.
Peter : To do what?
Jack : Okay.
Francis : A: I want us be become brothers again like we used to be and for us to find ourselves and bond with each other. Can we agree to that?
Peter : Okay.
Peter : Yeah.
Francis : B. I want us to make this trip a spiritual journey where each of us seek the unknown, and we learn about it. Can we agree to that?
Jack : Sure.
Peter : I guess so.
Francis : C. I want us to be completely open and say yes to everything even if it's shocking and painful. Can we agree to that?"
[Peter and Jack cock their heads and look at each other. Francis simply continues]
Francis : Now, I had Brendan make us an itinerary
Peter : Who's Brendan?
Francis : My new assistant. He's gonna place an updated schedule under our doors every morning of all the spiritual places and temples that we need to see and expedite hotels and transportation and everything.
Peter : Thank you.
Francis : I love you, Jack.
Jack : I love you, too.
Francis : How did it get to this? Why haven't we spoken in a year? Let's make an agreement.
Peter : To do what?
Jack : Okay.
Francis : A: I want us be become brothers again like we used to be and for us to find ourselves and bond with each other. Can we agree to that?
Peter : Okay.
Peter : Yeah.
Francis : B. I want us to make this trip a spiritual journey where each of us seek the unknown, and we learn about it. Can we agree to that?
Jack : Sure.
Peter : I guess so.
Francis : C. I want us to be completely open and say yes to everything even if it's shocking and painful. Can we agree to that?"
[Peter and Jack cock their heads and look at each other. Francis simply continues]
Francis : Now, I had Brendan make us an itinerary
Peter : Who's Brendan?
Francis : My new assistant. He's gonna place an updated schedule under our doors every morning of all the spiritual places and temples that we need to see and expedite hotels and transportation and everything.
Francis: Ok. Let's check the next itinerary.
Peter: Fuck the itinerary.
FANTASTIC MR FOX (2009)
Mr. Fox:
[in a cellar with many of the other animal characters] Allright, let's start planning. Who knows shorthand?
[Linda raises her hand]
Mr. Fox : Great! Linda! Lutra Lutra - you got some dry paper?
[she holds up some paper]
Mr. Fox : Here we go. Mole! Talpa Europea! What d'you got?
Mole : I can see in the dark.
Mr. Fox : That's incredible! We can use that! Linda?
Linda Otter : Got it.
Mr. Fox : Rabbit! Oryctolagus Cuniculus!
Rabbit : I'm fast.
Mr. Fox : You bet you are. Linda?
Linda Otter : Got it.
Mr. Fox : Beaver! Castor Fiber!
Beaver : I can chew through wood.
Mr. Fox : Amazing! Linda!
Linda Otter : Got it.
Mr. Fox : Badger! Meles Meles!
Badger : Demolitions expert.
Mr. Fox : What? Since when?
[Linda raises her hand]
Mr. Fox : Great! Linda! Lutra Lutra - you got some dry paper?
[she holds up some paper]
Mr. Fox : Here we go. Mole! Talpa Europea! What d'you got?
Mole : I can see in the dark.
Mr. Fox : That's incredible! We can use that! Linda?
Linda Otter : Got it.
Mr. Fox : Rabbit! Oryctolagus Cuniculus!
Rabbit : I'm fast.
Mr. Fox : You bet you are. Linda?
Linda Otter : Got it.
Mr. Fox : Beaver! Castor Fiber!
Beaver : I can chew through wood.
Mr. Fox : Amazing! Linda!
Linda Otter : Got it.
Mr. Fox : Badger! Meles Meles!
Badger : Demolitions expert.
Mr. Fox : What? Since when?
Mrs. Fox:
[Mr. Fox and Kylie are sneaking through the Fox family's
kitchen, Kylie is wearing a bandit mask; Mrs. Fox sees them from a
doorway] Another book party?
Mr. Fox : [surprised] Oh! I didn't see you sitting in the dark over there.
[grins sheepishly]
Mr. Fox : Yeah! No actually, there's a fire. I just got the call; they said maybe it's arson. I've got to interview the marshal and see if it's...
Mrs. Fox : Kylie,
[turns on the light]
Mrs. Fox : is he telling the truth?
Kylie : [turns to Mr. Fox] I... I don't want to be put into the middle of this!
Mr. Fox : Thanks, Kylie.
Mrs. Fox : [notices something off to her right] Why is he wearing that bandit hat?
[points to Kris, who is halfway out the door leading to the kitchen from the starwell leading upstairs; Kris pulls his bandit hat up to unobscure his face]
Mr. Fox : His ears were cold. He's not with us.
[to Kris]
Mr. Fox : Go back to bed.
[Kris leaves and closes the door]
Mrs. Fox : If what I think is happening is happening - it better not be.
Mr. Fox : [surprised] Oh! I didn't see you sitting in the dark over there.
[grins sheepishly]
Mr. Fox : Yeah! No actually, there's a fire. I just got the call; they said maybe it's arson. I've got to interview the marshal and see if it's...
Mrs. Fox : Kylie,
[turns on the light]
Mrs. Fox : is he telling the truth?
Kylie : [turns to Mr. Fox] I... I don't want to be put into the middle of this!
Mr. Fox : Thanks, Kylie.
Mrs. Fox : [notices something off to her right] Why is he wearing that bandit hat?
[points to Kris, who is halfway out the door leading to the kitchen from the starwell leading upstairs; Kris pulls his bandit hat up to unobscure his face]
Mr. Fox : His ears were cold. He's not with us.
[to Kris]
Mr. Fox : Go back to bed.
[Kris leaves and closes the door]
Mrs. Fox : If what I think is happening is happening - it better not be.
Mr. Fox:
[sighs] Who am I, Kylie?
Kylie : Who how? What now?
Mr. Fox : Why a fox? Why not a horse, or a beetle, or a bald eagle? I'm saying this more as, like, existentialism, you know? Who am I? And how can a fox ever be happy without, you'll forgive the expression, a chicken in its teeth?
Kylie : I don't know what you're talking about, but it sounds illegal.
Kylie : Who how? What now?
Mr. Fox : Why a fox? Why not a horse, or a beetle, or a bald eagle? I'm saying this more as, like, existentialism, you know? Who am I? And how can a fox ever be happy without, you'll forgive the expression, a chicken in its teeth?
Kylie : I don't know what you're talking about, but it sounds illegal.
Badger:
In summation, I think you just got to not do it, man. That's all.
Mr. Fox : I understand what you're saying, and your comments are valuable, but I'm gonna ignore your advice.
Badger : The cuss you are.
Mr. Fox : The cuss am I? Are you cussing with me?
Badger : No, you cussing with me?
Mr. Fox : Don't cussing point at me!
Badger : If you're gonna cuss with somebody, you're not gonna cuss with me, you little cuss!
Mr. Fox : You're not gonna cuss with me!
[Both start snarling at each other, and then settle down]
Mr. Fox : Just buy the tree.
Badger : Okay.
Mr. Fox : I understand what you're saying, and your comments are valuable, but I'm gonna ignore your advice.
Badger : The cuss you are.
Mr. Fox : The cuss am I? Are you cussing with me?
Badger : No, you cussing with me?
Mr. Fox : Don't cussing point at me!
Badger : If you're gonna cuss with somebody, you're not gonna cuss with me, you little cuss!
Mr. Fox : You're not gonna cuss with me!
[Both start snarling at each other, and then settle down]
Mr. Fox : Just buy the tree.
Badger : Okay.
Mr. Fox:
[Mr. Fox, Ash, Kris, and Kylie are on a motorcycle, and Mr. Fox refers to a quadruped wolf at the edge of a snowy forest] I don't think he speaks English or Latin.
Mr. Fox : [loudly, to the wolf] Pensez-vous que l'hiver sera rude?
Mr. Fox : [aside] I'm asking if he thinks we're in for a hard winter.
Mr. Fox : [loudly, to the wolf] Pensez-vous que l'hiver sera rude?
Mr. Fox : [aside] I'm asking if he thinks we're in for a hard winter.
[Coach Skip is teaching Kristofferson the rules of Whackbat]
Coach Skip : Basically, there's three grabbers, three taggers, five twig runners, and a player at Whackbat. Center tagger lights a pine cone and chucks it over the basket and the whack-batter tries to hit the cedar stick off the cross rock. Then the twig runners dash back and forth until the pine cone burns out and the umpire calls hotbox. Finally, you count up however many score-downs it adds up to and divide that by nine.
Kristofferson : Got it.
Coach Skip : Basically, there's three grabbers, three taggers, five twig runners, and a player at Whackbat. Center tagger lights a pine cone and chucks it over the basket and the whack-batter tries to hit the cedar stick off the cross rock. Then the twig runners dash back and forth until the pine cone burns out and the umpire calls hotbox. Finally, you count up however many score-downs it adds up to and divide that by nine.
Kristofferson : Got it.
Beaver's Son:
We don't like you and we hate your dad. Now grab some of that mud, chew it in your mouth, and swallow it.
Ash : I'm not gonna eat mud!
Beaver's Son : Cuss yeah you are.
[he picks up a large glob of mud and shoves it in Ash's face. Ash makes a gagging sound but does not react further]
Kristofferson : [takes off his shoes] Don't do that.
Beaver's Son : Why'd you take your shoes off?
Kristofferson : So I don't break your nose when I kick it.
[he proceeds to take Beaver's son out with some precision karate moves, ending with a throwdown in the mud. Beaver's son walks away quietly sobbing]
Ash : I can fight my own fights.
Kristofferson : [turns to Ash] No you can't...
Ash : I'm not gonna eat mud!
Beaver's Son : Cuss yeah you are.
[he picks up a large glob of mud and shoves it in Ash's face. Ash makes a gagging sound but does not react further]
Kristofferson : [takes off his shoes] Don't do that.
Beaver's Son : Why'd you take your shoes off?
Kristofferson : So I don't break your nose when I kick it.
[he proceeds to take Beaver's son out with some precision karate moves, ending with a throwdown in the mud. Beaver's son walks away quietly sobbing]
Ash : I can fight my own fights.
Kristofferson : [turns to Ash] No you can't...
Petey:
[singing around a campfire with his banjo] 'Bout a
handsome little fox let me sing you folks a yarn. / Hey, diddle-dee
daddle-da doddle-do doodle-dum! / 'Twas a splendid little feller full of
wit 'n' grace 'n' charm. / Say, zippy-zee zappa-za yappy-yo doodle-dum!
/ Well, like any little critter needin' vittels for his littl'uns, /
Well, he stole, and he cheated, and he lied just to survive. / With a
doodle-dum diddle-die doddle-diddle doodle-dum!
Other singers : Doodle-dum diddle-die doddle-diddle doodle-dum!
Petey : Zippy-zo zippy-zay zippy-zappy zoopy-zee!
Other singers : Zippy-zo zippy-zay zippy-zappy zoopy-zee!
Petey : Doo-dah doo-day day...
Petey : Let me take a little tick now to color in the scene: / 'Cross the valley lived three yokels name of Boggis, Bunce, and Bean. / Now these three crazy jackies had our hero on the run. / Shot the tail off the cuss with a fox-shootin' gun. / But that stylish little fox was as clever as a whip / Dug as quick as a gopher that was hyper-ack-a-tive.
Other singers : Yeah!
Petey : Now those three farmers sit 'twhere there's a hole 'twas once a hill. / Singin' diddle-dee daddle-da doddle-do doodle-dum! / And as far as I can reckon they're a-settin' up there still. Singin' zippy-zee zappa-za yappy-yo...
Franklin Bean : [standing behind him] What are you singing, Petey?
Petey : Just... just making it up as I went- as I went along, really.
Franklin Bean : That's just weak songwriting. You wrote a bad song, Petey!
Other singers : Doodle-dum diddle-die doddle-diddle doodle-dum!
Petey : Zippy-zo zippy-zay zippy-zappy zoopy-zee!
Other singers : Zippy-zo zippy-zay zippy-zappy zoopy-zee!
Petey : Doo-dah doo-day day...
Petey : Let me take a little tick now to color in the scene: / 'Cross the valley lived three yokels name of Boggis, Bunce, and Bean. / Now these three crazy jackies had our hero on the run. / Shot the tail off the cuss with a fox-shootin' gun. / But that stylish little fox was as clever as a whip / Dug as quick as a gopher that was hyper-ack-a-tive.
Other singers : Yeah!
Petey : Now those three farmers sit 'twhere there's a hole 'twas once a hill. / Singin' diddle-dee daddle-da doddle-do doodle-dum! / And as far as I can reckon they're a-settin' up there still. Singin' zippy-zee zappa-za yappy-yo...
Franklin Bean : [standing behind him] What are you singing, Petey?
Petey : Just... just making it up as I went- as I went along, really.
Franklin Bean : That's just weak songwriting. You wrote a bad song, Petey!
Kristofferson:
Uh, do you mind if I slide my bed roll slightly out from under the train set? It's hard to sleep in that corkscrew position.
Ash : [in the top bunk] There's a lot of attitudes going on around here. Don't let me get one.
Kristofferson : No, it's only just my spinal cord getting...
Ash : Sleep wherever you want, man. Here, take my bed! I'll just uh... I'll crawl under the bookcase! Who cares if I get splinters in my ears?
Kristofferson : Never mind.
Ash : Oh, you gonna pout about it? 'Cuz I've had it up to HERE
[gestures with his hand]
Ash : with the "sad houseguest" routine.
[Ash turns off the light and continues to read his White Cape comic in bed]
Kristofferson : Good night.
[he lies down under the train set and begins to quietly sob; Ash comes down, turns on the train, Kris gets up and they watch it]
Ash : [in the top bunk] There's a lot of attitudes going on around here. Don't let me get one.
Kristofferson : No, it's only just my spinal cord getting...
Ash : Sleep wherever you want, man. Here, take my bed! I'll just uh... I'll crawl under the bookcase! Who cares if I get splinters in my ears?
Kristofferson : Never mind.
Ash : Oh, you gonna pout about it? 'Cuz I've had it up to HERE
[gestures with his hand]
Ash : with the "sad houseguest" routine.
[Ash turns off the light and continues to read his White Cape comic in bed]
Kristofferson : Good night.
[he lies down under the train set and begins to quietly sob; Ash comes down, turns on the train, Kris gets up and they watch it]
Beaver's Son:
[lays down a box of supplies during a Science lab class] Why's your cousin such a wet sandwich?
Kristofferson : I beg your pardon?
Beaver's Son : What's that mean?
Kristofferson : That means that I don't understand what you just said. A wet sandwich?
Beaver's Son : Yeah! A wet sandwich. He's too short, he dresses like a girl, he's
[makes a motion with his hands]
Beaver's Son : different.
Kristofferson : Are you a bully? You're starting to sound like a bully.
Beaver's Son : Watch this.
[he takes a spoonful of yellow powder and drops it into the bubbling liquid over a Bunsen burner; it explodes and covers both of them in the yellow substance]
Kristofferson : That's... you just destroyed the whole experiment. We'd better extinguish this magnesium.
[they raise their safety goggles]
Kristofferson : Stand back.
[Kris sprays the fire with an extinguisher]
Agnes : [watching from a few feet away] Wow.
Kristofferson : [whistles] Whew!
Agnes : [to Kris] Hmm. I like your ears.
[gestures to her own]
Kristofferson : M... Mine?
Agnes : Mmhmm.
Kristofferson : Thank you! I like your... spots.
Agnes : Really? I used to cover them up, but, you know...
Ash : Ugh.
[scoffs]
Agnes : Hmm?
Ash : You're supposed to be *my* lab partner.
Agnes : I am!
Ash : No you're not. You're disloyal.
Kristofferson : I beg your pardon?
Beaver's Son : What's that mean?
Kristofferson : That means that I don't understand what you just said. A wet sandwich?
Beaver's Son : Yeah! A wet sandwich. He's too short, he dresses like a girl, he's
[makes a motion with his hands]
Beaver's Son : different.
Kristofferson : Are you a bully? You're starting to sound like a bully.
Beaver's Son : Watch this.
[he takes a spoonful of yellow powder and drops it into the bubbling liquid over a Bunsen burner; it explodes and covers both of them in the yellow substance]
Kristofferson : That's... you just destroyed the whole experiment. We'd better extinguish this magnesium.
[they raise their safety goggles]
Kristofferson : Stand back.
[Kris sprays the fire with an extinguisher]
Agnes : [watching from a few feet away] Wow.
Kristofferson : [whistles] Whew!
Agnes : [to Kris] Hmm. I like your ears.
[gestures to her own]
Kristofferson : M... Mine?
Agnes : Mmhmm.
Kristofferson : Thank you! I like your... spots.
Agnes : Really? I used to cover them up, but, you know...
Ash : Ugh.
[scoffs]
Agnes : Hmm?
Ash : You're supposed to be *my* lab partner.
Agnes : I am!
Ash : No you're not. You're disloyal.
Mr. Fox:
Ash, are you mad at me? I understand if you are and I'm sorry; I
wouldn't have ever involved your cousin if I had realized you would feel
this way. It was only ever just because he's kind of a natural... I
mean... I mean look at him dig!
[View changes to Kristofferson, Kylie and Mrs. Fox digging, with Kristofferson leading with athletic determination, then switches back]
Mr. Fox : Anyway, I'm sorry if you feel any...
Ash : [as he shoves dirt in his ears] You know what? I'm just gonna put dirt in my ears. Ow... That's better. I can't hear you now, but keep talking.
[View changes to Kristofferson, Kylie and Mrs. Fox digging, with Kristofferson leading with athletic determination, then switches back]
Mr. Fox : Anyway, I'm sorry if you feel any...
Ash : [as he shoves dirt in his ears] You know what? I'm just gonna put dirt in my ears. Ow... That's better. I can't hear you now, but keep talking.
Ash:
Can I ask you a question?
Kristofferson : You may.
Ash : What's the point of sitting on the floor with your legs twisted into a pretzel talking to yourself for an hour and forty-five minutes? It's - it's weird.
Kristofferson : My father and I first started practicing meditation together when I was...
Ash : Yeah? Well, that's great. But I worry more about what that does for your reputation than whether or not you have beagle ticks or not.
Kristofferson : I don't. Nor pelt lice.
Kristofferson : You may.
Ash : What's the point of sitting on the floor with your legs twisted into a pretzel talking to yourself for an hour and forty-five minutes? It's - it's weird.
Kristofferson : My father and I first started practicing meditation together when I was...
Ash : Yeah? Well, that's great. But I worry more about what that does for your reputation than whether or not you have beagle ticks or not.
Kristofferson : I don't. Nor pelt lice.
Mr. Fox:
They say all foxes are slightly allergic to linoleum, but it's cool to
the paw - try it. They say my tail needs to be dry cleaned twice a
month, but now it's fully detachable - see? They say our tree may never
grow back, but one day, something will. Yes, these crackles are made of
synthetic goose and these giblets come from artificial squab and even
these apples look fake - but at least they've got stars on them. I guess
my point is, we'll eat tonight, and we'll eat together. And even in
this not particularly flattering light, you are without a doubt the five
and a half most wonderful wild animals I've ever met in my life. So
let's raise our boxes - to our survival.
Mr. Fox:
[addressing the others from atop a pile of bricks] In a way, I'm almost glad that flood interrupted us because I don't like the toast I was giving. I'm gonna start over.
[Mr. Fox switches on his radio. "Le Grand Choral" plays. He gestures as if holding a wine glass]
Mr. Fox : When I look down this table, with the exquisite feast set before us, I see: two terrific lawyers, a skilled pediatrician, a wonderful chef, a savvy real estate agent, an excellent tailor, a crack accountant, a gifted musician, pretty good minnow fisherman, and possibly the best landscape painter working on the scene today. Maybe a few of you might even read my column from time to time, Who knows? I tend to doubt it.
[brief pause]
Mr. Fox : I also see a room full of wild animals.
[He approaches their groups as he speaks]
Mr. Fox : Wild animals, with true natures and pure talents. Wild animals with scientific-sounding Latin names that mean something about our DNA. Wild animals each with his own strengths and weaknesses due to his or her species.
[re-ascends the brick pile]
Mr. Fox : Anyway, I think it may very well be all the beautiful differences among us that might just give us the tiniest glimmer of a chance of saving my nephew, and letting me make it up to you for getting us into this, this crazy... whatever it is. I don't know. It's just a thought. Thank you for listening. Cheers, everyone.
[mimics draining the imaginary glass and smashing it to the floor]
Kylie : Lets eat!
[All eyes turn to Kylie]
Kylie : What? I was just playin' along with the bit he was doing...
[Mr. Fox switches on his radio. "Le Grand Choral" plays. He gestures as if holding a wine glass]
Mr. Fox : When I look down this table, with the exquisite feast set before us, I see: two terrific lawyers, a skilled pediatrician, a wonderful chef, a savvy real estate agent, an excellent tailor, a crack accountant, a gifted musician, pretty good minnow fisherman, and possibly the best landscape painter working on the scene today. Maybe a few of you might even read my column from time to time, Who knows? I tend to doubt it.
[brief pause]
Mr. Fox : I also see a room full of wild animals.
[He approaches their groups as he speaks]
Mr. Fox : Wild animals, with true natures and pure talents. Wild animals with scientific-sounding Latin names that mean something about our DNA. Wild animals each with his own strengths and weaknesses due to his or her species.
[re-ascends the brick pile]
Mr. Fox : Anyway, I think it may very well be all the beautiful differences among us that might just give us the tiniest glimmer of a chance of saving my nephew, and letting me make it up to you for getting us into this, this crazy... whatever it is. I don't know. It's just a thought. Thank you for listening. Cheers, everyone.
[mimics draining the imaginary glass and smashing it to the floor]
Kylie : Lets eat!
[All eyes turn to Kylie]
Kylie : What? I was just playin' along with the bit he was doing...
Ash:
[points to a sign Agnes carries] What's that stand for?
Agnes : Huh? It's for, uh, it's for pep... pep.
Ash : It's a K.
Coach Skip : [runs into frame, grabs a bottle from the cooler; to players] Come on, now! Look alive!
[to score-keeper]
Coach Skip : 'Atta boy.
[runs out of frame]
Agnes : [to Ash, about Kristofferson] We're going steady.
[Ash exclaims angrily]
Agnes : Huh? It's for, uh, it's for pep... pep.
Ash : It's a K.
Coach Skip : [runs into frame, grabs a bottle from the cooler; to players] Come on, now! Look alive!
[to score-keeper]
Coach Skip : 'Atta boy.
[runs out of frame]
Agnes : [to Ash, about Kristofferson] We're going steady.
[Ash exclaims angrily]
Mr. Fox:
I spotted a couple of broken burglar bars underneath the back door to Bean's secret cider cellar.
Kylie : We're breaking into Bean's *house*?
Mr. Fox : Cellar.
Kylie : Where he *lives*?
Mr. Fox : Where he keeps the cider.
Ash : [appears behind them] *Below* where he lives.
Mr. Fox : [takes] Where'd you come from? Why don't you go back to the tree and do your homework?
Ash : I want to help you steal some cider.
Mr. Fox : *We're* going to a *book* party, and keep your mouth shut about any cider, because no one ever said that! Now get out of here!
Ash : But, ah...
Mr. Fox : But nothing! You're gonna get me in a lot of trouble! Besides, you're too little and uncoordinated.
[Ash frowns, twitches, and spits]
Mr. Fox : One, two, three!
[Mr. Fox points in the direction of the tree. Ash stomps off, growling]
Kylie : We're breaking into Bean's *house*?
Mr. Fox : Cellar.
Kylie : Where he *lives*?
Mr. Fox : Where he keeps the cider.
Ash : [appears behind them] *Below* where he lives.
Mr. Fox : [takes] Where'd you come from? Why don't you go back to the tree and do your homework?
Ash : I want to help you steal some cider.
Mr. Fox : *We're* going to a *book* party, and keep your mouth shut about any cider, because no one ever said that! Now get out of here!
Ash : But, ah...
Mr. Fox : But nothing! You're gonna get me in a lot of trouble! Besides, you're too little and uncoordinated.
[Ash frowns, twitches, and spits]
Mr. Fox : One, two, three!
[Mr. Fox points in the direction of the tree. Ash stomps off, growling]
Ash:
[Mr. Fox has just lost his tail in the shooting] It'll grow back, won't it?
Kylie : Tails don't grow back.
Ash : Tails don't grow back?
Kylie : Uh-uh. 'Cept for lizards.
Mr. Fox : Tails don't grow back. I'm gonna be tail-less for the rest of my life.
Ash : Well, anyway, it's not half as bad as double pneumonia, right? I mean his dad's got one foot in the grave and three feet on a banana peel. That's a lot worse than just a...
Kristofferson : [ricochets an acorn around the room, which lands in the teacup he is holding. The others glare in amazement] Excuse me, everyone. I'm gonna go meditate for half an hour.
[exits quickly]
Kylie : Tails don't grow back.
Ash : Tails don't grow back?
Kylie : Uh-uh. 'Cept for lizards.
Mr. Fox : Tails don't grow back. I'm gonna be tail-less for the rest of my life.
Ash : Well, anyway, it's not half as bad as double pneumonia, right? I mean his dad's got one foot in the grave and three feet on a banana peel. That's a lot worse than just a...
Kristofferson : [ricochets an acorn around the room, which lands in the teacup he is holding. The others glare in amazement] Excuse me, everyone. I'm gonna go meditate for half an hour.
[exits quickly]
Mrs. Fox:
[Kristofferson has just departed after Ash's comment] You have got twenty-nine minutes to come up with a proper apology.
Ash : [snaps, gestures wildly] Me? *Me* have an apology? He gets a bandit hat? He just got here, and he gets a bandit hat? Where's *my* bandit hat? Why didn't *I* get shot at? It's because, you... you... you think I'm no good at anything! Well, maybe you're right, thanks.
[stomps away angrily and slams door upon exit]
Kylie : [sighs, to Mr. Fox] Told ya not to bring him.
Ash : [snaps, gestures wildly] Me? *Me* have an apology? He gets a bandit hat? He just got here, and he gets a bandit hat? Where's *my* bandit hat? Why didn't *I* get shot at? It's because, you... you... you think I'm no good at anything! Well, maybe you're right, thanks.
[stomps away angrily and slams door upon exit]
Kylie : [sighs, to Mr. Fox] Told ya not to bring him.
Mrs. Fox:
[to Ash] We're all different.
[indicates Mr. Fox]
Mrs. Fox : Especially him. But there's something kind of fantastic about that, isn't there?
[indicates Mr. Fox]
Mrs. Fox : Especially him. But there's something kind of fantastic about that, isn't there?
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